And so it goes. Our first ‘Mother’s Day’ without our mom being physically here with us.
I miss her. I know that she is in a better place – that goes without saying. And I know that I prayed for her, and with her, about her being able to die and leave Alzheimer’s behind. I miss her.
When she was here -
She could hold my hand. And when she no longer could, I could hold hers.
She would listen to me. And even though I don’t know what she heard, I could talk things out as I sat with her. She knew all my secrets. She didn’t judge, occasionally she would offer advice, sometimes it was funny, sometimes she ‘hit the nail on the head’.
When I would ask my mom ‘do you trust me?” – She always answered ‘yes’. Always.
Her eyes would light up when she saw me. And when her eyes could no longer see me. My eyes saw her.
When I didn’t want her to see me cry, I would turn away from her and she would stroke my head. She knew.
I think about my mom every day. I don’t ‘talk” to her, as some people do. I mean really, when dementia is in your family history, you don’t want to give people more reason to think you are crazy!
She left so softly. Gives me reason to think of her that way, and if I did ‘talk’ to her…….
Hey mom, I had such a great day today. Everyone came over, well, except Ian as he had to go out of town. Sitting around the kitchen table someone remarked that they missed him being with us – so it wasn’t just me that felt that way. Laura and Ian are getting married at the end of August. Laura is organizing and doing. She is so creative. Em and Tanya are in the wedding party, they make an amazing team of beauties. Nola is growing. She has a gentle personality – so lovely.
I miss you.
