number 8 - lay them straight

simple

easy

basic

fast

everything that makes this scarf just that?

was nothing like the past 2 days have been.

I hate Fraser Health.  There, I have said it. 

I am so very frustrated by incompetence.

Here is the condensed version mom, just so you know where things are at.....

You've been at Riverview for 9 months now receiving your ECT treatments.  They have been brilliant.

so,

time to leave RV (good thing as it is closing!) and head back to Delta View.  We have been waiting 3 months for you to get a consult at Delta Hospital.  You see, you need to continue your ECT as a maintence thing, so you don't go back to screaming "Help Me" for 20 hours a day.  Consult is so that they can "rubber stamp" as we were told, the request for you to have your ECT at Delta Hospital.  But, wait.... ONE man at Delta Hospital (an Internist I belive...  someone possibly named Dr. Shaw (but I have never met him so I can't say for certain - it's just that his name is on the report) says

NO.

 

You apparently are NOT  a good candidate for ECT.  In fact he says...

"I do not think patient is a good candidate to continue further ECT, because of her frail status and signs of ostoporosis and osteoarthritis, which could be a rist factor for a fracture from ECT"  it goes on from there, but I won't bore you mom..   

so, what this ONE person is saying is that all of the medical professionals at RiverView are wrong.  None of them know what they are doing.  Really?  

so, now what?

Let me back up here.. your consult was last Friday August 19th... and that "No" that they gave you? Well, NO one happened to mention it to me until I initiated a call to DV to ask when the ECT would be..  I was just covering my bases mom, just like you taught me.  The Social Worker there was the one to tell me.  Really?  I had seen the Social Worker at RV yesterday morning... it must have slipped her mind.....

well, 10's of emails, 3 faxes, and 20's of phone calls over a 24 hour period has left us still in the dark. 

They are taking you on Monday back to DV.  I'm riding the bus with you though, so we should have fun!  I'll bring you some clothes so you have something to wear...  and maybe a corsage to wear because you will like that.  You will then go to RiverView once a week until Sept 16 for your maintenence ECT.  You know,,, that treatment that will make your Osteoporosis crack you.

Well, damn, if that won't be the end of the world, I don't know what will be! 

Yes mom, sorry, I said damn... and I guess I should also tell you that I said the F word today too...  well, no, I didn't exactly say it...  i flippin SHOUTED it! 

And really, spending 1.5 hours in a transport vehicle each week could be fun!  I hope that they are careful drivers though, because you have osteoporosis mom, and you could break something if they crashed... 

Now.... I've told people that I would not let them take you unless I had it in writing that they will find another place for you to have ECT...  Mom, you know me!  You know that I would lie down in front of that bus! (well I would but I haven't heard back from Global News yet, and if I'm going to lie down in front of a bus over this - it is for sure gonna make the news!)

I have had 3 people in Fraser Health say that they will have a consult arranged before September 16 so that there is no lapse in your maintenance. Mom, guess what?  I will be phoning those people EVERY DAY until that happens.  Don't worry mom, I'll be nice.

And mom, I love you.  I fight these fights because I love you.  I knit these scarves because I honour you. 

I cry these tears because it    JUST    SHOULD   NOT   BE   THIS   HARD. 

 For you, and for us.

 

I know you by heart

Funny thing... at certain moments in our lives time goes by so quickly.  Milestones come and go and we barely have a chance to enjoy our days.  At other times though, the clock seems to stand still.

Sometimes time does both.  At the same time.

When I sit with my mom now, I can't decide if this is her, or who she was.  Does that make sense?  If you have ever had a deep love for someone that is unable to communicate with you, then you understand.  When our babies are hurt, crying, and unable to tell us what is wrong; if you have ever held a friend that is in a coma; if you have ever held a loved one that has dementia; then you understand.

Someone recently asked me,  "Why do you still go to see your mom?  She doesn't even know who you are".   My first response was incredulous "What are you talking about?! I won't stop seeing her!!".

But then I paused to examine why... why do I still go? If she doesn't remember me..... 

My mom doesn't know who I am, but she knows me.  When her eyes look at mine, when she takes my hand and brings it up to her face, when she listens to me.   She doesn't always see me, she doesn't always hear me.  But she knows me.

And I know her.

She is my mom.  Always and Forever.  I love my mom

#9 Fancy

So, everything changes yet nothing changes. Our mom is now back at Delta View in Ladner. She is trekking to RiverView once a week to have her ECT. Apparently after September 16th she'll be trekking to RCH for her ECT. Really? Delta Hospital is a 7 minute trek. Talk to the hand, their faces aren't listening. A sidebar here. I saw a sign. "I wasn't hitting you, I was just high-fiving your face". Delta Hospital person? High 5.

But on the happy side, our Mom really likes her bus/car/ambulance/ just about any form of transportation rides!

She was loving her life in this moment!  Watching cars, people, even commenting on the sunshine ;).  And you must admit, she really does suit that hat!  Don't know who's it is.... but that is one of the perks of living in care.  Daily 'shopping trips'!   And that droopy flower hanging out of her button hole?  That is my version of a corsage ;(   It would have looked a little perkier if I had remembered to take the safety pin to secure it to her blouse.  But if I had done that, she wouldn't have been able to do this:

or this:



She really liked this flower!  And to be honest, it really didn't smell like anything at all.  But for that day, in that moment, this pink carnation rocked her world!
Not nearly as much as these rocked my world a couple of days later...

So happy that Deans Flowers have moved from KGB to a location near Hwy 10 and 152.  Right on the way to moms!  This makes my mom happy (even if she doesn't know it)

Because really, we have 2 choices here.

      #1 - open the door to her room and inhale the smell of poop

      #2 - open the door to her room and smile with the fragrance of lillies



no brainer

scarf #9

And so, this scarf.  Fancy, fun, a real weird one to knit actually.  And guess what?  Mom did not actually knit a row on this one.  wayyyyyyy too hard.  There will be 1 or 2 (3 or 4?) exceptions to the "knit one row" clause. 

 Looked up the word 'exception', and one of the definitions is 'special case'.  For those of you that have had Alzheimer's Disease touch your life, you know that there are no rules with this disease.  There are some things that are fairly standard, but each person exhibits their own version of AD. 

Let's have fewer special cases.  Let's have more research, more discoveries, better treatments, and yes, hope.



#10 Word of the day = Undulating

Undulating:

1. to move with a sinuous or wavelike motion; display a smooth rising-and-falling or side-to-side alternation of movement: The flag undulates in the breeze.

2. to have a wavy form or surface; bend with successive curves in alternate directions.

3. (of a sound) to rise and fall in pitch: the wail of a siren undulating in the distance.

so we bend    

occassionally we wave

My goal is still to knit 25bluescarves.  With mom knitting a row on each.  or...  With mom knitting a couple of stiches on each.  Really depends on the day, sometimes she is justs too busy to knit.  25 scarves for 25 people to claim as their own.  25 scarves for 25 people to donate at least $100 to Alzeimer's research.

I do get a little carried away when I go into a yarn shop.  My local shop has a lot to look at.  but really, I must finish knitting the blue I already have! 

"bend with successive curves in alternate directions". sounds painful doesn't it? Alzheimer's hurts.

#11 - Re-Undulating

So, I really dig the word.  Undulating.  Say it out loud with me...    cool word eh?   I knit 2 of them! kinda undulated back and forth between them as I went. 


and, while AD really sucks.  There have been some brillliant moments over the past 4 years as well.

teaching moments

like sharing how fabulous George is. 

  didn't take her long to catch on

touching moments

laughing moments



in the end, it looks like a halleluiah moment, but it was just me asking her to lift up her feet.  I think she heard "mom, lift that magazine up so that I can read it whilst I shuttle you about in this horrid contraption"

we undulate

#12 Thankful

Thanksgiving 2011 has come and gone. Turkey and ham. Pies and cake. Friends and family.

old friends and new.  Family

makes me ponder...  what would it be like to not know that these are your people?  To look at them and feel no connection, even though they are your spouse, child, grandchild, friend.  Do the warm fuzzies you feel when you look at 'your people' go away?  Do you even see them when you look at them?

You can remember how to hold the yarn.  The needles.  But you can't remember the face of your child as she hands them to you.

I'm Thankful

Thankful that I remember who my mom was.  When I look at her, and see who she is today... sometimes it's hard to be thankful.  I try, really hard... 

I'm thankful for doctors.  For scientists.  For people that are working for a cure. 

I'm thankful for people that are helping to make a difference.

Thank you.

#13 - Lucky 13!

Vegas Baby!

 

So many trips to Reno!  My mamma LOVED her slot machines!   Vegas wasn't her fave... too big, too many people, no one there knew their names. But, Reno on the other hand!  People there remembered them, and that was important.  Mom and Dad loved their trips to Reno, but never took us!  You know that T-Shirt "my mom and dad went to ____ and all I got was a lousy t-shirt"?  

Many years ago, my sister and I thought it would be a great idea to surprise them in Reno.... so we flew in the day after them, we booked the same hotel as them, and then we tried to find them.  Ya, right.  Us at the front desk "our parents are staying here and we want to surprise them.  Can you tell us what room they are in?"   No.   "Well, can you connect us to their room?"   Maybe.  

It just so happened that a lady that was working for mom at the time was also there, mom knew that, so we hatched a plan.  I called mom and dad's room and pretended to be Muriel.  "Let's get together for dinner Audrey"  "What floor are you on?"  Mother promptly tells "Muriel" their room number.  "OK - I'll be in touch with you tomorrow Audrey" click.

The next morning Debbie and I knocked on their door at 7:30 with breakfast in hand!  yup, they were surprised!!    They proceeded to show us around town, and show us off.  

I think if mom could tell you now what one of her favourite memories was, it would be those 2 days we spent together.  It really was fun!

Fun

Pretty and Soft

A loving mom with her 2 adoring girls